10 Lessons on Self-Discipline

As I'm writing this email I am coming to the end of a 9 day liver detox and 36 hour fast.

Why? 2 reasons:

Firstly, like many of us, I can find myself acting too instinctively when it comes to eating. Before I knew it, I would have half my son’s chips in my mouth and wolf the food down without even tasting it.  

The truth is that this was due to emotional eating. Who else knows this one? 

However, the second reason I know will resonate with you as a mission-focused and growth-orientated person. And that reason is self-discipline. 

Whether I am coaching a 7-figure entrepreneur or an author, the same challenges come up and self-discipline is high up the list. I have a question in my initial Compassion Mastery form:

“What do you think has prevented you from living your dream life?”

Invariably the answers are self-discipline, integrity and living consciously. 

So why do so many of us struggle with self-discipline? It might be easy in this instance to go down the behavioural science route with James Clear/ BJ Fogg and talk about cues, responses and rewards but I would like to go deeper. 

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Why do you believe you need to be self-disciplined?

Where do you believe you are not already good enough?

What comfort are you afraid of losing if you continue to not be self-disciplined?

Who are you scared you will lose if you continue to not be self-disciplined?

What do you really, really want underneath the mirage of self-discipline?

What we are really looking for is connection - connection to our true selves. 

When you are deeply connected:

- You do not feel as tired because you flow with more peace

- You do not crave as much because you have what you need

- You do not fear change, you embrace it

If you were to look at the brain of someone who was deeply connected, you would see more integration between the reptilian, mammalian and neo-cortex areas of the brain. 

And guess what practice produces those kinds of results? Compassion of course. 

If you believe you need more self-discipline, go deeper, look for the disconnection. It's this disconnection that causes that neurochemical cocktail of stress hormones and the 'molecule of more' (dopamine). 

You can go deeper with compassion because it activates the soothing system of your brain, allowing you to gain clarity on what you really want.

Understanding the root of your self-discipline will lead to enlightening conclusions. 

Here are a few conclusions I have observed with clients:

- If you want to be more disciplined with your sleep, rest more in the day

- If you want to be more disciplined with your eating habits, try fasting

- If you want to be more disciplined with your gym routines, try walking everyday

- If you want to be more disciplined with your meditation practice, try intentional breathing throughout the day

Remember self-discipline is a form of self-compassion but never allow that form to lose the essence of love it sprouted from. 

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Here are my 10 lessons in self-discipline from my detox.

1. Purpose is the wind that steers the ship of self-discipline

2. It’s easy to say no when you easily know why

3. Good is achieved by yourself, greatness is accomplished with others

4. The magic of self-discipline occurs in the preparation

5. Be alert to your internal objections and deal with them in advance

6. Environment is the invisible hand that shapes behaviour

7. But, it is your hand that moulds the environment

8. Self-discipline does not mean self-criticism

9. It is less about deprivation and more about freedom

10. Stay present to your feelings - let them be your guide

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Get in touch to let me know what resonated or share this blog with a friend who could benefit. 

Love,

Nilesh